Relationships can change over time.  When two people are together for an extended period, certain aspects of the relationship no longer hold a high priority like they once did.  This is especially true once children are involved. Today we explore things that die in relationships.  Luckily, if you find your relationship suffering from any of these, there are some ways to fix it.

Adventure

When starting out in a new relationship, couples tend to be wild and adventurous.  Going on spontaneous dates and trips.  Throwing caution to the wind.  These early days tend to be exciting and fun and filled with almost a kind of magic.  However, as two people spend more time with each other, the spontaneousness of the relationship tends to fizzle out.  Trading adventure for routine can lead to feeling like you’re in a rut.  Avoiding this can become increasingly more difficult as you get older and spend more time in the relationship.

For things that die in a relationship, when it comes to adventure, not all hope is lost.  I know, it’s hard to be spontaneous as a busy adult, but you can still have adventures.  Make it a point to go on one date per month and do something you’ve never done.  Never been sky diving? Bungie jumping? Snorkeling?  Have you ever driven a race car?  Climbed a rock face?  The options are limitless.  Doing something exciting together can bring back those feelings of adventure you felt when you got together and breathe a whole new life into your relationship.

Passion

Much like adventure, passion tends to fail as routine behavior sets in.  Relationships tend to start out full of lust and passion.  Partners want each other all the time.  They call in sick to work to lay in bed all day having vigorous sex.  Or go on trips to places and spend half their time in the hotel room.  They get ticketed by the local police for making love in the back seat behind the grocery store.  They kiss and hug and hold hands in public and want nothing more that the fire of the relationship.  And then one day, they notice that things just aren’t that way anymore.

Passion is a powerful tool that can create strong bonds in a partnership.  If you notice the passion in your relationship slipping, there are several ways to revive it.  Passion is strongly connected to lust, but can also be connected to romance.  We will talk more about romance later.  For now, let’s focus on lust.  Try something new together.  Go buy a book about sex positions and find the ones you both want to try.  Try turning each other on with naughty text messages throughout the day.  Dress up sexy for your partner before they come home from work.  Talk about and explore your kinks and fantasies together.  Mix it up a bit with roleplaying or meet each other in a sleezy hotel. Try incorporating sex toys into your lovemaking.  One of the big reasons passion dies is because we convince ourselves that we know what our partner wants.  Talk about it together, the results might surprise you.

Romance

In a long-term relationship, romance is generally one of the first or second on the list of things that die in relationships, usually preceded by adventure.  Getting dressed up and going on a fancy date can seem like so much work as the years plug by.  Most people can’t be bothered to prepare a candle lit bath for their partner or put rose peddles on the bed.  When the romance dies, passion usually follows shortly after.

Couples tend to make excuses for not being romantic.  Fancy dates cost too much or I don’t have time for that.  The list is endless.  But romance doesn’t have to cost a lot of money and once you’ve been together for a while (long enough for the romance to die) you should have a pretty good grasp on what your partner likes.  Take a walk and discuss your aspirations and dreams.  They have probably changed since you first met.  Reminiscing about all the fun things you’ve done together while laying on a blanket under the star filled sky can be a perfect date.  Writing little love notes for your significant other to find can remind them of how much you love them.  Bring home flowers.  There’s a million ways to re-ignite romance in a tired relationship.

Patience

When a couple starts dating, they tend to be incredibly patient with each other.  They don’t worry if their partner makes them late for an event, or if they don’t get around to chores.  As time advances, this patience wears thin (especially once the couple has children).  Losing patience with your partner can happen for many reasons.  But more often than not it comes down to a fundamental breakdown in communication.  Either the couple doesn’t communicate their needs; they assume their partner should know what they want done.  Or, the couple struggles to balance their relationship while also trying to maintain a household.

As you can probably guess, re-establishing patience really requires better communication.  Here is an easy scenario to demonstrate this.  Partner A asks partner B if they will do the dishes.  Partner B accepts.  Later, partner B goes to bed without having done the dishes.  Partner A is furious that partner B didn’t do what they said they would do.  There are several ways to avoid this, for example, if partner B planned to do the work in the morning, they could have mentioned it.  If partner A wanted the work done that same day, they should have specified.  These types of things happen all the time, and just adding a few words to the conversation can avoid a loss of patience.  Of course, respecting your partners time plays a huge part in patience as well. 

Interjection

The last item on this list of things that die in a relationship is interjection.  Early in a relationship, people pretend to be something different than what they are.  This can happen with every aspect of a person.  Pretending to be a day or night person, pretending to like certain kinds of music, pretending like certain hobbies.  They take on aspects of the person they are with to make themselves more desirable.  While no one condones this behavior, it’s a phenomenon that has plagued humanity forever and doesn’t just happen in relationships.  You may have heard of “the honeymoon stage,” or noticed that people act differently depending on whose around.  This is all interjection, and it usually fails after two people have been together awhile.

Interjection encompasses all the other failure points on this list and unfortunately, unless you “go ugly early,” there’s no way to avoid it.  Things you pretended didn’t bother you will.  You’ll get sick of things you pretended to enjoy.  The only real fix for interjection, is to come clean and move on.  “I don’t actually like hiking every weekend.  Can we try something else?” Might hurt your partners feelings, but at least then you can start to explore new opportunities you both like.  It’s one of those relationship problems than can be fixed by conversation.  This isn’t limited to things you only liked because they liked it either.  People are allowed to change their opinions, thoughts, and ideals.  Maybe you’ve switched tastes in music or movies.  Maybe foods you used to like aren’t appetizing any more (because everything pizza gives you heartburn). The best way to deal with it is to talk with your partner regularly and listen when they talk back.  

Conclusion

Most new relationships begin in a manner that is unsustainable.  People will put forth extraordinary effort in the pursuit of love.  Unfortunately, once they have the affection of the other person, that effort starts to dwindle.  It can be depressing, making partners feel unwanted and unloved.  But, with a little bit of due diligence, you can get back some of that fire. This is not a complete list of things that die in a relationship, but I hope you find these tips useful, and if you do, please leave us a comment below.