Spending quality time together in a long-distance relationship can be challenging. Quality time is one of the things that dies in a normal relationship, which makes it even more important if you spend time apart. The hustle and bustle of everyday life can interfere with regular phone calls and texting.  After a while, people can sometimes feel neglected or angry at their partner, even when they know how busy people can be.  To make it worse, long-distance relationships completely lack intimacy, which can cause people to grow more distant and colder.  In this article, I will go over some ways to overcome the challenges of spending quality time together in a long-distance relationship.

Read or listen to the same book

If you and your partner have similar taste in books, listening to or reading the same book while you’re apart can be immensely rewarding.  I do a lot of traveling with the Army.  And my wife and I started doing this earlier this year.  It can strengthen a relationship by giving both parties something to discuss besides being apart.  For us, it used to be I would call home whenever I got the chance.  My wife would complain about me not being home.  And I would complain about work.  Both could have been more constructive.  This year, I get excited to call and talk about the plot of whatever book we are reading.  It’s not unlike being in a book club.

Pro tip: if you are apart and know you won’t have time to read a book, pick one the busy party has already read.  This can reduce stress while giving you something to talk about, albeit not as good as reading something fresh.

Try to keep a schedule

It’s essential when in a distant relationship to keep some kind of schedule for phone calls or video chat or whatever.  It’s easy to find a time of day to set aside specifically just to chat with your significant other.  I’ve never been super good at this one.  At least not at nailing down a set time.  However, if I have time to call home when I’m gone, my wife knows it will most likely be around ten or eleven at night.  I keep her posted if, for some reason, I won’t be able to call that night.

Pro tip: if you are both busy people and struggle to keep a set schedule to talk, you can try to make time for each other throughout the day.  Lunchtime is an excellent time to call home.  Just before bed tends to work too.  Remember to avoid getting angry if your partner doesn’t answer every time.  Maybe they are busy with something else.  If the duration you will be apart is lengthy, pick a day and time that doesn’t interfere with other social events.  For example, if your partner likes to go out on Friday nights, there are better times to try and work in quality time.  Try to be flexible and understanding.

Communicate frequently

With the advent of smartphones, text, and email, keeping a constant line of communication is easier than ever.  Different communication methods can be used to create ad-hoc quality time.  Give each other little tasks, like writing love letters or poems in your email.  It can be fun, letting you both know you are thinking about each other.  Even though the time isn’t spent together, writing an email love letter takes time.  And reading it does too.  It creates quality time on both ends, even if not simultaneously.

Pro tip: it’s easy to write little love letters to each other, but you may only sometimes have time to sit down and write the whole thing.  I like to write in a 3rd party app, then copy and paste it to email when I have time.  That way, I can spend a few mins here and a few mins there to come up with the whole thing.

Sexting

Sexting has a bad reputation, and I know many people who think it’s dirty and gross.  But telling each other what you will do to them when you see them next is an easy way to keep the fire burning.  Long gone are the cyber-sex days of weirdos (me included) sitting in chatrooms talking dirty to each other.  If you have time, I highly recommend sexting at least once a week.  Obviously, you want to keep it private, and any pictures or videos that get sent should be safeguarded.  Sexting requires a lot of trust, and you shouldn’t do anything to violate that trust.  Especially if you want it to continue.

Pro tip: using sex toys while sexting can bring a whole new level of immersion to the experience.  Incorporate toy play in the bedroom when you are together, and then take your favorites with you when you are apart.  It’s also important to note that you should never force your partner to send you pictures or sext with you.  Sexting should be a mutually fun experience.

Don’t get mad

I’m guilty of breaking this one myself.  As a person who is generally away, I’ve been angry about a missed call or my wife going out with friends.  Remember that when you aren’t together, your partner might need that social time with others to fill in the gaps.  Don’t get mad if they go to a movie with their friends.  Or go visit their family while you are away.  Even when you aren’t together, it should be 100 percent okay if your significant other does something fun.  In my case, it’s always been a drag.  “Here I am, working my ass off, and you’re just playing around with your friends.” Don’t do that.  It’s not productive, they are allowed to have fun without you, and quality time with others is just as important as quality time with you.

Pro tip: get out of your own head.  There are plenty of fun things you probably get to do throughout the day.  Don’t sweat the little stuff.  Besides, if they go have fun without you, you’ll have something else to talk about besides how bad being apart sucks.

Play online phone games or watch movies

Another fun way to spend quality time together is to find a phone game you both enjoy and play with each other when you can.  Most people have at least a few games on their phones, so finding a good one should be no problem.  If games aren’t your thing, another option is to “watch a movie” together through one of the many streaming services available.

Pro tip: It helps to have two devices, like a phone and a laptop, for this one.  That way, you can call on the phone and watch the movie on the computer.  It also helps to watch a movie you’ve both seen before in case one of you gets distracted.

Send gifts

Small gifts to someone while you’re away can significantly impact your relationship.  It lets your partner know you are thinking of them and can brighten their day.  Even something like Door Dashing them their favorite meal expresses that you are thinking of them and can care about them, even from a distance.  These things can improve the quality of the short phone calls you might get later by squashing some of the neglectful feelings and doubts.

Pro tip: you don’t have to break the bank.  Something small is usually all it takes.  Even something like sending flowers (assuming your partner likes flowers) can be a huge win and improve the quality of the time you do have.

Spending quality time together in a long-distance relationship can be challenging.  And having a partner that travels for work is no different.  It’s important to respect your significant other and value their time.  Don’t just call each other to complain.  Give yourself tasks that can benefit the relationship.  And always keep in mind why you are together in the first place.